Life, Love, and Math: AN OPEN LETTER TO ANY "AUTISM PARENT" WHO CLAIMS THEIR CHILD HAS BEEN "STOLEN BY AUTISM:"

29th June 2012

Life, Love, and Math: AN OPEN LETTER TO ANY "AUTISM PARENT" WHO CLAIMS THEIR CHILD HAS BEEN "STOLEN BY AUTISM:" →

FIRST OF ALL. your child is not “stolen.” your child is RIGHT OVER THERE. please look up the word “stolen” before you use it. and yes, i understand that it’s supposed to be a metaphor, but seriously, how offensive to your child [and the autistic community overall]? that you feel that the child the universe somehow “owed” you has been taken away, and that the one you have been left with is somehow not as good? just because we might not meet the same milestones as everyone else, that doesn’t make us somehow “less.” we meet milestones that neurotypical children rarely have to worry about—things like making eye contact without flinching away, decoding the words you say, using speech in the “correct” way. you have been gifted a child, so maybe stop feeling entitled to something “better.” that’s just rude to your child and all of us.

i think this is the worst when i hear it from parents whose child can speak, but does so in a socially inappropriate or sporadic way. you think your child has been “stolen” from you? GO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM. we’re listening, even if we don’t measure up to your standards of what listening “looks like.”

and even if your child is nonverbal, again, that does not mean that he cannot hear and understand you. have you ever had someone say something about you without knowing you could hear them? you know how terrible you feel? that’s how we feel when you claim that the child you wanted has been “stolen,” as if you didn’t want a child like us.

plus, this just makes no logical sense. is your neurotypical child who does not yet speak “stolen” from you, too? can you not see your child until he can talk, somehow? did you not speak to your infant? oh wait, you spoke to your infant all the time, so that he could feel loved and accepted and then learn speech from your example? if you stop talking to your child because you feel like he was “stolen” and you’re left with just a catatonic shell, well, then, you are doing parenting wrong. numerous autistic adults [who were nonverbal autistic children] have pointed out that yes, autistic children can hear and understand you, whether or not we are verbal or responsive. so talk to your child. don’t talk about how he’s “stolen” from you, unless you believe that your neurotypical child was also “stolen” from you until he could talk. and once again…if you believe that, you are doing parenting wrong.

oh, and one last thing: please stop calling yourself “autism parents.” autistic people with children [autistic or not] are autism parents. you, on the other hands, are parents of autistic children [and eventually adults].

SINCERELY,

AN AUTISTIC GIRL WHO IS, QUITE FRANKLY, SICK OF THIS CRAP.

Flawless.

Tagged: autism ableism