Flutterfly Invasion

A place for me to squee.

Identity things, let's get them out of the way, cis female, asexualish heteroromanic, physically and psychiatrically disabled. Let's have some fun!

Ask me anything





destroy this “more than friends” bullshit

destroy this disgusting fucking idea that being in a romantic relationship is more important/closer than being in a platonic relationship

destroy the idea that friendships are less than romances

destroy the idea that you need to be romantically involved with someone if you want to be really close to them

Is this what Moftiss are trying to do when they add all the trappings of romance to Sherlock and John’s relationship?


But I’ve seen some fandom responses that INSIST that Sherlock and John are clearly more than just friends, because you don’t “move on” from friendship. You don’t need to “move on” from platonic relationships.

Except some people do. Especially aromantic people. Especially people of all romantic/sexual orientations who have deep, meaningful relationships that are entirely platonic in nature.

Not to mention this entirely unhealthy trope that exists that makes people believe that sexual/romantic relationships remain hot-blooded exciting things forever.  Like, news flash, but that couple that’s stayed married for 50 years has done so because when all the sexiness and romance were gone, they were friends.

Tagged: friendshipsexasexual

Source: wormparty


“I think virginity is the most over-hyped, illogical concept I’ve ever heard of, let alone one of the largest double-standards in history. I have no idea why people over-hype the fact that someone hasn’t had sex, or why they equate it to “innocence”, “virtue”, or “honor”. It simply means you haven’t had sex, it doesn’t say anything about your character.”

Tagged: sexvirginity


“Disabled does not mean we are not sexual beings.”

And if we are not sexual, for whatever reason, that is perfectly okay.


“Disabled does not mean we are not sexual beings.”

And if we are not sexual, for whatever reason, that is perfectly okay.

Tagged: disabilitysexsubmission

Source: wheelchairproblems

Call for submissions: Nonfiction anthology of essays dealing with disabled people's romantic and sexual issues →


This book’s target audience is disabled people interested in dating, sex, and alternative lifestyles. The intention is to have essays that can educate people that range from the young novice who might not believe that disabled people even can have romantic relationships to people who want applicable information on safer and more accessible sexual practices. What we need you to do is pick something you know about, even if you’re not an expert in it, and write an essay to people of visible and invisible disabilities who might rely on what you write to change their lives.

Suggested topics are:

  • How to speak to someone you’re interested in
  • How and when to discuss your disability with the would-be partner
  • What to prepare for when meeting a partner’s friends and family
  • Accessible dating options
  • Online dating and inevitably how to mention you are disabled
  • How to express your specific sexual needs or inabilities to your partner
  • Tips on how to have sex with limited movement, sensation, etc. and how to avoid pain or injuries that would otherwise not be a problem
  • Tips on Masturbation with limited movement, sensation, etc.
  • Participating in the LGBTQ community and making sure your limitations are accounted for
  • Introductions into the BDSM community and information on how dom–sub relationship can be beneficial and healing for disabled people
  • Introductions into the devotee community
  • Suggestions and advice on how to identify someone who may be dangerously fetishizing you
  • Information on the high rates of abuse and molestation of disabled people with practical advice on how to protect yourself despite an array of limitations
  • Risks in pregnancy and information on how to have the safest pregnancy and birth possible
  • Advice for the social condemnation that comes with being a disabled parent
  • And any other subject that falls within these themes.

Are you a disabled stripper? Are you a disabled matchmaker? Are you a disabled person that has a genuinely interesting and valuable personal story that can contribute to this collection? I want your submissions. Be as quaint or explicit as you like, be as poetic or textbook–esque as works best for you.

Not all submissions may be accepted due to the risk of having too much of one subject being rehashed, so my suggestion to you is to be as informative as possible as well as to put a real signature touch with personal examples in your piece. I will not reject anything that I find educational and empathetic; if this results in encyclopedia size book, so be it.

Submission guidelines
Genre: Nonfiction. All submissions must be an essay on either specific subject or your personal experience
Length: No limitations
Content rating: No limitations. If you are writing about sexual practices we encourage you to be specific as possible given that you must address people’s limitations and methods of accessibility
Number of submissions per person: one unless otherwise agreed upon with the editor (me)

Submissions are open and must be e-mailed to me at hgiel@live.com no later than December 31, 2012. Your submission must be in document format, in English, have a title, and have a short biography of the writer at the end. You need not use your real name; we will accept pennames.

There will be no monetary payment for submitting, as this book will be nonprofit but each person who gets accepted will receive a free paperback copy.

It was recently believed that I would be funding this project out of pocket but Good Mourning Publishing has decided to publish this book for us as a companion to the book Accessible Love Stories, an anthology of romance stories featuring disabled people that they published earlier this year. They’ve been gracious enough to understand the purpose of this new book and will set the price at cost as planned, which means they’ll make no profit from the sales so if you can, please buy a copy of Accessible Love Stories because the profits will go into funding this new book. The e-book version is only a few dollars on Amazon.

The book’s title and cover are still pending but I’m accepting submissions right away. If you have any questions or concerns send them into my blog Gimpunk or e-mail me personally at hgiel@live.com


Tagged: disabilityromancesexsignal boost


A book on disabled people in romantic and sexual relationships



ifyouveeverbeeninlove and I have been talking about the lack of information and education on things as simplistic as dating to having actual sexual relationships for disabled people, and since I know books I decided this might make a good idea for a book. I planned to do some background preparation first and maybe lineup a cover artist but since everyone is being so great about this already I like to start asking if anyone would like to submit an essay?

I will be publishing the book myself and it will be priced at cost meaning it will be cheap as possible (free e-book) and no profit will be made so no financial compensation can be offered although I will send a free paperback copy to all those published within the book.

We are looking for essays on everything from personal experiences, to applicable dating tips, sexual accessibility, alternative lifestyles, alternative communities, and anything else that falls within the theme. You need not be an expert on the subject you’re writing about or have to have any specific disability although the intention is to focus on physical disabilities both visible and invisible.

If you have any questions Feel free to ask them here as well as to suggest a topic for the book. If you have something you’d like to submit to the book you can send them to me personally at hgiel@live.com

Not everything can be accepted for the book because there is a risk of having too much of one subject but as long as something is well-written and informative or relatable I will make exceptions.

If you have the ability to write on a specific or unlikely subject for this book please submit!

I promise to have more information and a webpage set up for this book soon but allow me a little time because I’m doing this on my own; don’t let that make you hesitate I’m sending a submission anytime soon though, the more I have initially the easier it will be to plan for.

Signal boosting! Also you might see something from me. :)

Signal boosting and will definitely consider contributing!

Tagged: disabilityableismsignal boostingromancesex


What to do with a catheter during sex?



Q&A with Diane Rowles:

So, what do you do with a catheter during sex? For people who are on intermittent catheterization, the in-and-out catheterization, I usually recommend to catheterize prior to having sex. Because we talked about those Sacral Arc reflexes, well the bladder has a reflex, and the bowel has a reflex, sex has a reflex. So, remembering that nerves are microscopic and very close together, sometimes when you’re trying to stimulate the sex reflex you can hit the bladder reflex, or sometimes when you stimulate the bowel reflex, you can hit the bladder reflex. So in order to prevent incontinence, I recommend that people empty their bladder prior to intercourse, just so that there’s no accidents. If they do intermittent catheterization, for a female it’s easy just empty the bladder, and its empty and its fine. For men, sometimes catheterization stimulates an erection because it’s that reflex erection. The important thing to know is, when you stimulate a reflex erection, you’re probably going to want to use that erection for intercourse. Because if you take the catheter out, let the erection go away, it’s going to be harder to stimulate a second reflex erection, for most people. So I always tell people kind of foreplay, do a little bit of catheterization, a little more foreplay, and use the erection that comes from the catheterization, if there is one. If a person has an indwelling catheter in, they have two options—they can take it out and have intercourse, the things that they need to remember is that they can’t put the same one back in, so they have to have another one to put in, and that can get expensive if they have sex too frequently— depending on their frequency of sex I should say. And if they can’t put it in themselves because of limited hand function, they have to have somebody around that can put it back in for them. And it can’t stay out too many hours because of one incontinence, and two, again, the autonomic dysreflexia if their bladder overfills, or prevention of a urinary tract infection. So take it out, not a problem, put in a new one when you’re done. For people who can’t afford to have extra ones, or people who don’t want to take it out, people who it’s fine in, it’s definitely a personal choice, the catheter can be left in. Very simple for women, just tape it out of the way, because sex is a different hole again, and so you just tape it out of the way. For men, what is recommended is leaving a large loop of catheter at the end of the penis, so that if that person does get an erection, there’s enough catheter for the penis to climb, and then placing a condom over it. The condoms not necessarily for contraception, it’s to prevent urinary tract infections, because you don’t want sexual juices to climb up the catheter and cause infections. So what I usually recommend to people is to put a bunch of catheter at the tip of the penis, put a condom over, and then go ahead and have intercourse. The nice thing is is if a person does not get a great reflex erection, so the penis doesn’t get real hard, the rigidity of having the catheter run down along the side of the penis actually can help stimulate their partner, so it actually can help with stimulation of their partner, so it can be a good thing. One thing that is very common is people say, “Well Diane, having that urine bag is a real turn off.” So clamp the catheter, get rid of that urine bag, put the urine bag in a pillowcase, cover it with a towel, put a long piece of extension tubing on, throw the bag off of the bed—any way to enhance the romance, decrease the focus on the urine bag

*Reminder that anatomy does not determine gender, otherwise decent information

Good info for those of you who might need it. I’ve never even thought about this before.

Reblogging for the good info.

Tagged: disabilitycatheterssex



So I’m heading down to Los Angeles this week to give a talk at the University of Southern California1. For some reason, when I tell people I’m giving a talk, the thought of standing in my mighty presence and hearing my dulcet tones live isn’t enough. They want to know what the talk’s going to be about. Do you think people ask Barack Obama what he’s planning on talking about when he invites them as his personal guests? I think not.

So, in this particular case, I say I’m talking about the desexualisation of people with disabilities. This party trick is best performed live, because you get to witness the blank stare you get in response. On the Internet, I have to imagine it.

“The what?” people ask.

“You know,” I say, waving my hands around and undermining my assertion that I’m a great public speaker. “Like, the common belief that people with disabilities aren’t sexual?”

“Oh,” some of them say, still looking confused.

Or “ah,” some of them say. That one’s usually followed with “but wait,aren’t you asexual?”

Well, yes, but I am still pretty up on the whole sex thing, believe it or not.  

Here’s a thing about people with disabilities: We have sex. Well, some of us, anyway. Yet, there’s a really common belief that we don’t, or that we can’t, and there are all kinds of things bound up in that idea. Some people think we’re innocent and pure and sweet and incapable of sexuality. Others think that there are physical barriers to sexuality when you’re disabled; as “Downton Abbey” so kindly recently reminded us, if you have a spinal cord injury, you can’t have sex, right?

And there are all kinds of consequences to this really common social attitude, like the fact that disability often isn’t included in sexual education, because why educate people who won’t be having sex? And that because people assume we don’t have sex, it’s much harder to report sexual assault and rape — and, incidentally, people with disabilities are more likely to experience sexual assault and rape.

We also tend to get left out of sexytimes discussions, because, well, we don’t have sex, right? So why bother? You don’t see articles with sex tips for quads2 or how to use tickling play in a relationship with someone who has limited sensation on parts of her body, or who has sensory sensitivity and chronic pain. Sex shops rarely offer disability-oriented classes. The Liberator markets itself as a prop for a better sex experience — but it’s also used by people with physical disabilities.

This is what I mean by “desexualization,” that society strips us of any identity as sexual beings by assuming we are not sexually active.

Some people with disabilities like to say that we have sex just like nondisabled people, but that’s not quite an avenue I like to pursue either. Because, the fact of the matter is that some of us don’t have sex like nondisabled people do. And that’s not really a problem or something we need to hide. We’re all grownups here, we can handle teh sexorz and the fact that it comes in many flavors, yes?

I don’t want to brag on my fellow crips or nothin’, but some of us haveway better sex than nondisabled people. Hate to break it to you, but them’s the facts. Physical disability not only doesn’t prevent people from gettin’ it on, it can become an integral part of the sexual experience. We sometimes have very different sex that is hot and awesome in ways nondisabled people can’t even imagine or comprehend; this idea that our bodies are repulsive means that people can’t wrap their heads around the idea of sexual disabled bodies.

One of my favorite Pride signs ever is “trached3 dykes can eat pussy for hours and never have to come up for air.” Beat that. I double dog dare you.

There’s sometimes this hurry to reassure nondisabled people that we’re “just like you,” to norm our bodies and lives, and sometimes I think this is a mistake. The body is an integral part of sexuality, and obviously variations are going to play into how you express yourself sexually. There are, for example, many interesting things a lesbian amputee can do with her stump, you know? For people with hand tremors, those tremors can become part of their sexuality and may be integral to sex for their partners. There are a lot of fun things you can do in, around and with a wheelchair. The list goes on…

Partners of people with physical disabilities who are nondisabled or who don’t have physical disabilities are often subjected to sharp, invasive questioning about their sex lives. People never seem to take “I’m totally satisfied by my awesome sex life, how about you?” as an answer because the idea of a crip having sex is so alien, so frightening, so odd. There’s always that lingering sense of “ew, who would have sex with a disabled person” thing going on.

The fact is that a lot of people want to have sex with disabled people, because people in general like having sex, and sometimes partners have (or acquire) disabilities. And some of us can do things with our bodies that you cannot— — just like some of you can do things with your bodies that we cannot. Disabled sexuality comes in a broad spectrum just like nondisabled sexuality, but I assure you, it definitely exists. To act otherwise is to pretend that roughly 20 percent of the population doesn’t get it on, which is clearly just not realistic at all.

Now that we’ve got that straightened out, can women’s magazines please start including disabled sex tips? Because honestly, all the nondisabled ones are really boring. Some of us can do cool bendy things! Let’s talk about that

1. Wasn’t that subtle? The talk’s on Thursday the 22nd at 8pm in WPH207. The venue is accessible and sign language interpretation will be provided. So tell your friends. Incidentally, anyone who sees me wandering helplessly around the USC campus at 8:05 PM on Thursday the 22nd, could you kindly direct me towards WPH207? Return

2. Some quadriplegic people refer to themselves as quads because, you know. Return

3. A trach is a tube inserted into an artificial hole in the trachea for the purpose of providing respiratory support. Return

Tagged: disabilitysex

Source: xojane.com

Anyone else had a creepy feeling lately? It’s the Republicans in your vagina.

Representative Vicki Barnett, Democratic Whip Michigan House of Representatives at the Planned Parenthood Lobby Day in Lansing (via raven-red)


(via 14kgoldnyc)

This sums up everything ever.

Tagged: politicssexgenderrepublicansthat obsession with our vaginas

Source: wildtrtl

Secrets of the Disabled: (TW: Ableism, Sexual Abuse, Consent) Fuck the Disabled: Being called "unable" to say "yes" means not being allowed to... →


by Devyn

An autistic woman and sexual abuse survivor was just declared to be “incapable of consent” in the UK. Let me repeat that: someone who has experienced and survived genuine sexual assault was just banned, against her wishes, from having consensual…

I was just talking about this type of thing with a friend of mine last night……

Tagged: disabilitysexconsent

Source: neurodivergentsexuality

so, in the grand scheme of my concerns, people not wanting to fuck me is not high on the list. but, anon, I am 20 and this is a petty blog and there are attractive characters/celebrities out there, and I am interested in the fact that I’ve IMPLICITLY KNOWN SINCE CHILDHOOD THAT PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE OR HAVE SEX BECAUSE THAT’S PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING AND INAPPROPRIATE, IF NOT DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE.


applies to me too, though 19 and not really blogging about TXF

(via cool-schmool)

Tagged: disabilitysex